my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
