it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
