you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
