I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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