guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
