Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
