so let's talk penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
