if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
