Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
