the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
