after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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