He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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