I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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