I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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