JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
