I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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