is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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