he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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