On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
