This girl is more easily done than said...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
