so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
