Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
