you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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