well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
