I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
