This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
