Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
