The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
