I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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