kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
