Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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