so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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