I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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