At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
