don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
