I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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