needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
