So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
