You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
