Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What drink are we having for lunch?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
