if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
