Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
