I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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