dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
