All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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