I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He felt like a one man threesome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
