STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
