A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
