Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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