I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize