I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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