She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
