look no pants
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
