If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize