Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
