you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
