Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
