Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
