Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
tell me about the fingering
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