I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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