i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
