shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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