How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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