i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
