I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My feet surprised me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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