im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
